36道愛情練習題 - 拉近我們的距離
36道愛情練習題 - 拉近我們的距離
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這篇專欄從「36道愛情練習題 - 拉近我們的距離」出發，整理婚禮籌備裡容易被忽略、卻很值得慢慢想清楚的細節。希望你讀完後，能更靠近自己真正想要的婚禮樣子。
紐約時報刊登一篇報導，描述一位女作家親身實驗社會心理學家 Arthur Aron 於 1997年發表研究報告，提出36道可以讓彼此關係更加緊密的題目，親自體驗後，真的能敞開心胸，拉進對方的心，而且問完最後還要含情脈脈對看四分鐘。
這36道題目分三個階段，由淺入深，彼此交叉提問回答，時間約 45 分到一個小時，提問對象有可能是你的朋友、家人或是心儀的對象。
這36道題目分三個階段，由淺入深，彼此交叉提問回答，時間約 45 分到一個小時，提問對象有可能是你的朋友、家人或是心儀的對象。
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36道題目穿插對人生幾個歷程的提問，對家庭、成長、友誼、愛情幾個關鍵時間點的看法，能互相熟悉對方的人生觀與價值想法，的確能進一步提升親密度，尤其是坦誠內心脆弱的一面，因為如哭泣、出糗這些情形你不說，任誰也難以挖出來的「秘密」，獲得交換彼此信任的鑰匙，一打開像是認真在心頭劃十字，暗指自己視對方為親密夥伴，「我會保密，不會對別人說溜嘴」一樣的關係。
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36道題目你可以試著先自問自答，選擇愛上別人之前，先學會愛自己是非常重要的一件事。交往的關係前提不該是偽裝與委曲求全，而是即使未來不確定，你會相信這個人不離不棄，跟你一起面對。不見得國外的月亮比較圓，而是 36 Questions 在親密度量測的基準上有普遍共識，一問就知道對方認真還是虛偽，值得交往還是當普通朋友就好，不失為一種認識彼此的好方法。
Set I 第一階段
01、Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest如果你可以邀請世界上任何人來一同吃晚餐，你希望誰來？
02、Would you like to be famous? In what way?
你想出名嗎？用哪種方式？
03、Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
打電話之前，你會預習要說的內容嗎？為什麼？
04、What would constitute a "perfect"day for you?
你認為什麼是「完美」的一天？
05、When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
你上次唱歌是什麼時候？是唱給別人聽嗎？
06、If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
若說你能活到 90歲，往後 60 年你想保有 30 歲身體，還是 30 歲心靈？
07、Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
你覺得你以後會怎麼死？
08、Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
說出三個你和你夥伴共通點。
09、For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
你一生之中最感恩的事情是什麼？
10、If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
你若能改變成長過程中任何一件事，你會想改變什麼？
11、Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
用四分鐘時間，向你的夥伴說說你從小到大的故事，越詳細越好。
12、If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
如果你明天一覺醒來，能獲得一種特質或能力，你想要會是什麼？
Set II 第二階段
01、If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
如果有一個水晶球可以告訴你關於你的過去、現在與未來，你最想知道是什麼？
02、Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
有什麼事你很想去做，卻還沒去做的原因是什麼？
03、What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
你人生最大的成就是什麼？
04、What do you value most in a friendship?
你最重視友誼哪一個部分？
05、What is your most treasured memory?
說說對你最珍貴的回憶是什麼？
06、What is your most terrible memory?
說說你最可怕的回憶是什麼？
07、If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
如果你知道一年後你會死掉，你會改變現在生活方式? 為什麼想改？
08、What does friendship mean to you?
你對友情的看法是？
09、What roles do love and affection play in your life?
愛與感情在你人生扮演什麼角色？
10、Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
互相描述對方五個優點特質。
11、How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
你們家關係如何？你覺得你童年過得比別人家快樂嗎？
12、How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
你和媽媽的關係如何？
Set III 第三階段
01、Make three true "we"statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling ..."
說出3個含「我們」的句子。
02、Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
「我希望可以跟某人分享...」請完成這句子。
03、If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
如果你是對方的密友，你會讓他/她知道的重要事情是什麼？
04、Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
你對剛認識的人或許不會這麼坦白，但這次請誠實告訴對方你喜歡他的地方。
05、Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
說出人生中最糗的一次經驗。
06、When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
你上次在別人面前哭是什麼時候？什麼時候一個人哭？
07、Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
告訴對方你喜歡他的地方。
08、What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
什麼事你認為絕不能開玩笑？
09、If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
假設你今晚會死，你會後悔沒和誰說什麼事？而為什麼到現在你還沒說出口？
10、Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
假如你的房子起火，在你救出心愛的人和寵物後，你還有時間進火場搶救一件東西，會是什麼？為什麼是這樣東西？
11、Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
在你的家人中，誰的死會讓你最難過？為什麼？
12、Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
與你的伴侶分享一個個人問題並詢問他/她如何處理。此外，請你的伴侶回顧你對這個問題的感覺。
從這篇文章看見的婚禮選擇
「36道愛情練習題 - 拉近我們的距離」真正值得看的地方，是它讓人重新想起：婚禮應該長成你們的樣子。文中有一句我很想替新人畫線：「這36道題目分三個階段，由淺入深，彼此交叉提問回答，時間約 45 分到一個小時，提問對象有可能是你的朋友、家人或是心儀的對象」。有些安排看似只是細節，但放進對的情境裡，就會變成賓客記得很久的溫度。婚禮靈感不是拿來照抄的，而是提醒我們：真正好看的安排，背後都要回到新人自己的個性與選擇。
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